i always catch the clock it’s 11:11 and you wanna talk

(originally posted january 28, 2009)

I wish the ice would’ve actually stuck to something besides the trees. A true snow day would’ve been nice.

I wish it was spring. I want sunny and 75.

I wish I had the balls to write about some of the stuff I really think about. It’s just hard to open myself up like that like I used to.

I wish we could’ve opened up our Lynchburg appraisal office. I would’ve liked to work up here without having to drive to Henry County or Franklin County all the time.

I wish I could move my friends to the Triad. That would be near perfect.

I wish I could play music. I just don’t have the means to do it right now. I don’t have an amp or anyone to play with.

I wish I could look at people like I used to. I trusted people from day one. I didn’t suspect them of ulterior motives. I didn’t try to figure out how they were going to hurt me before they did it. I just trusted them. Not anymore. Nowhere close to that.

I wish I didn’t battle the stuff that I battle. I know, someone’s going to make a comment about turning to God and all of that, but things are still a battle, especially with depression. (Before anyone gets the wrong idea, it’s nowhere near serious, nowhere near needing professional help. It’s not that type of thing.) I can generally handle everything and me and God are on really good terms about it but it just wears me out having to fight it all the time. I realize now that the way Ashley treated me when it would happen to me is the same way I treated Caitlin when she dealt with it while we were dating and I was completely wrong with it. I think the worst part is every time I get down or whatever I think back to when she said, “You’re just so G– d— depressed all the time.” Yeah, she apologized for it but that’s something that sticks. The good thing is anytime that pops in my head I’ve used it as a way to make me better and to get over it and fight it off. Enough of that though.

I wish my sinuses didn’t suck. Life would be a lot better. I could breathe and hear better too. That would be awesome.

I wish I knew when to stop writing and just post this thing. I keep thinking of new stuff though.

I wish my income was more stable. I think that’s something we all want though.

I wish I could make it through tonight without having to run to the bathroom to take a Little Ceasar’s dump but, well, that’s not gonna happen.

I wish I was more motivated. Unfortunately, I’m not. I’m trying to be.

I wish I knew why I always catch the clock when it’s 11:11. Always. Well, not always, but most of the time. I’m talking probably five nights a week. And when I don’t, I end up catching it at like 11:13. It’s weird. I sing Konstantine by Something Corporate every time though.

I wish I still had my Wrangler. I absolutely loved that car. The gas mileage just sucked. Don’t get me wrong, I like my car now perfectly fine. I just can’t take the doors off of it.

I wish I knew what I wanted to be great at. I’m good at a lot of stuff but I’m not great at anything. I know that’s a good thing, being diverse and all, but I still would like to be great at something.

I wish my hair would hurry up and grow longer. It feels like it’s been this length for two months. I hate how when my hair is short, it grows really fast. Now that it’s long, it doesn’t grow fast at all. And yes, I know I just sounded like a complete girl.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

I wish I was a baller.

I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 6-4 impala.

Say your prayers and take your vitamins.

Have a nice day.

-Jonathan

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