life can’t wait for me to get back on my own two feet again

i hadn’t planned on writing anything tonight. there wasn’t really anything to write about really. i’ve had a great day. had some fun with some friends, ate some good food, went to a great church service, and now i’m here. here is on my deck, with the laptop, a cherry dr. pepper, and pandora playing good music. then something hit me.

this is awesome.

sometimes i’m so focused on what the future holds and growing up and all of these other things that i stop to sit back and enjoy the moment. it’s 73 degrees out here. there’s barely any humidity. i’m barefoot in shorts and a t-shirt. i can lean back in this chair and look up and see a million stars. i hear the highway. i’m pretty sure i’ll hear a train here soon. i’ve been pretty diligent getting my work done and have no reason to stress out over the next week and a half. i’ve found what looks to be an awesome job for this summer.

as much as i want to grow up, it can wait one more night.

in twelve hours exactly, i’ll be walking into work tomorrow. it’ll be the start of a new week. there’s no telling what’ll happen. i have papers to write. i have things that will no doubt annoy me at some point. at some instant during the week, i’ll go through the emotions of wanting to find a permanent job, of finding what’s next for me in the girl department, and of being impatient with the game of life. that can wait a little bit though.

in between writing stuff out on here, i’ve sat back and just thought about everything and how much i’ve changed in the past few months. it’s hard to think it’s been less than four months since this whole process began. today’s april 26. i remember on christmas eve, four months and two days ago, i was sitting at my grandma’s house and was absolutely miserable. i was depressed. i was alone. i really don’t know how else to explain it, but using those three adjectives doesn’t seem like enough. my grandma went to the point of saying, “jonathan, i’m worried about you. you’re not smiling.” for someone like me to get as depressed as i was is a pretty big deal. a couple of days later, things finally started getting better and i know exactly why that is.

i gave up.

i stopped trying to do things my way. instead of asking god to show me where i was going and what he wanted me to do with my life, i started asking him to prepare my heart and my head so that i could actually comprehend it when the time came for me to find out what it is i’d been praying for years for. almost four months later, it’s crazy to think how much my heart and my head has changed.

i used to always say that i was the same kid that i’ve always been. up until now, that really was true. i’ve always acted the same, liked the same type of music, and dressed the same. while all of that is still true, inside of me has completely changed. for starters, and to many of you this isn’t a big deal, but the damage that was done between july 9th and august 17th has been fixed. that’s all gone. that hole is filled up. i’ve always hated this term, but i’m more “on fire” for god than i ever have been at any point in my life. i’ve been a christian for as long as i can possibly remember. i just now started to really and truly live it out completely. i’ve grown more as a person and as a christian in one day the past four months than i had the past five years combined. everything makes sense now. it’s one of those feelings that can’t be explained if you’ve never experienced it.

life can wait until tomorrow before it comes back. for right now, clear skies and 73 is perfectly fine with me.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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