i’m somewhere in between who i am and who i want to be

i’ve said this twice in the last three posts, but sorry for not writing much. i had an old testament intensive last week that basically took over my life. i have two weeks now to actually rest and relax before camp starts up at the end of the month. hopefully i’ll be able to write pretty consistently.

one of the things i have written about a ton on here is about how much i’ve been changing lately. i was tempted to do a “holy crap i’ve been graduated a year, let’s see how much things have changed” post but figured that would be a bit much so i didn’t. i’m making a conscious effort to spread things around a little bit because even i get bored with that.

this whole thing is supposed to be about my story of growing up and here lately it’s taken on an interesting twist. it took me while to figure it out, but once i did i laughed because i realized one simple thing:

god is weird.

most of you reading this know my story. for those that don’t, here’s a quick glimpse – for years i knew god was calling me into the ministry but i didn’t want to do it. i wanted to do something else. i tried to make deals with god. when we simplify it all, i was basically telling god, “hey, i don’t mind serving in a church and i’d really like to do that, but please just let me make my living doing something else. i don’t wanna do this full time. i’ve seen it and i don’t like it.”

obviously god didn’t listen.

i got to the point where i finally came around. i gave up and said i’d do ministry full time. once i did that, things started to get amazing and you get the stuff that i’ve written on here over the past few months. then about a month or so ago everything hit the fan. i lost the internship i was going to be doing (in ministry) this summer and i lost my job for when i got back to liberty in the fall. i didn’t get worried or stressed. i knew god was in control. i prayed about it, looked for opportunities, and went on with my business.

that’s when god got weird.

a week after all of that happened, i got a job at a christian camp doing video work. i love video stuff. it’s a ton of fun. and i get to do it in a christian atmosphere. awesome. i still wasn’t sure about what to do in the fall but i was still looking. i was talking to churches to see if they were hiring but there wasn’t anything open. i knew i’d find something eventually if i kept looking, so i kept my chin up and kept going.

then two weeks ago another possible door opened. this time was through liberty and was once again, doing video work in a christian atmosphere. i love video stuff. it’s a ton of fun. and i get to do it in a christian atmosphere. awesome.

whoa, wait.

i spent years trying to get god to let me do the stuff i wanted to do and still serve in a church and he basically said no. then when i finally said ok, all of the opportunities i thought i had fell through and suddenly the stuff i wanted to do were falling in my lap. what’s the deal here?

when i was praying about all of this and asking god what was going on, something my grandpa told me popped in my head. he said that your calling doesn’t change, but sometimes your ministry does. that made complete sense to me.

god is weird. we’ve established that. if you’ve ever read the bible, you know that god is also jealous and gets the things that he wants. through this whole experience over the past couple of weeks, it almost feels like god is saying, “i just wanted you to give everything to me. that’s all. you’ve done that. and you’ve done it whole heartedly. i’m gonna let you do what you want for now because i know that when the time comes, you’ll do what i want.”

that took a while to sink in. when it did, it was awesome. i know that god’s got something in store for me. i know that at some point in time, i’m going to be in full time ministry. for now though, he’s letting me do the things that i enjoy.

god may be weird, but there’s no denying that he’s frickin awesome at the same time.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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