can i find a line to describe just what is going on

“yeah, i’ve grown up a lot in the last year or so. actually, i’ve grown up a lot in the last year exactly.”

“as in today?”

“yeah”

“as in august 17?”

“yeah”

that was part of a conversation i had earlier with someone. it was that moment that reminded me what today was. strangely enough, i hadn’t thought of it at all the entire day.

today’s the day of the official break up that inspired this whole thing.

it’s the day that ruined my life.

it’s the day that sent me into a huge downward spiral of a depression.

it’s the day that changed my life forever.

it’s the day that brought on the absolute best year of my life.

i’m not exaggerating or anything. there have been years where i’ve made more money. there have been years where i was involved in more. there have been years where i have made more memories. but this year, from august 17, 2008 until today, has been the best of my entire life.

i never thought i’d be able to say that. i was on the phone with david earlier tonight and i said to him, “do you realize that this time last year we were in my house singing bad dc talk songs?” no lie. that’s what we did the night of the breakup. he came over because he felt like he should console me (yes, i made that sound as weird as possible) and somehow we ended up singing bad dc talk songs.

and it was awesome.

and it made me laugh.

and i didn’t appreciate it at the time but it’s something i can look back at now and just laugh.

then over the next few months, when i was trying to beat the depression junk, i constantly had people doing things to just be there for me. whether it was me just complaining to them, or going to dinner just to get me out of the house, or hanging out with me after football games when i just didn’t want to go home, or telling me things that i didn’t want to hear at the time but needed to hear anyway.

i didn’t appreciate it at the time but it’s something i can look back at now and just smile.

then there was my family. they never, ever, left me. they let me whine and complain about everything. jordan listened to constant crap in texts and on the phone. jaymie was always there to talk, and even dealt with me when i completely shut myself off at her apartment in october. and mom and dad always let me talk but they still told me the things that hurt at the time but i needed to hear. and my extended family kept praying for me and offering encouragement when they saw me. and then meemaw had the nerve to tell me that she was worried about me because i wasn’t smiling. and trishma made me lunch one day to talk to me and give me encouragement as the new year started.

i didn’t appreciate it at the time but it’s something i can look back at now and just saw thank you for.

i went through an insanely dark period of time and no one, and i mean no one, left my side. they were always there whenever i needed it with whatever i needed. those four or five months were absolutely dreadful.

i didn’t appreciate it at the time but it’s something i can look back at now and be so absolutely thankful for.

then we move into january and when things started changing. while i was talking to that same person about how much i’ve grown up i couldn’t help but use the word fun over and over. i tried to somehow describe how it felt to watch myself grow up and mature and grow into the person i am now and the only word i could think of was fun. it’s just straight up fun.

in the past eight months i’ve had some of the most fun at basketball games that i ever had. i’ve gotten more involved at a great church. i’ve made a ton of memories just sitting on the couch with people. i’ve been able to have an impact on middle school and high school students. i’ve preached at a church. i’ve developed relationships in ways that i never have before. i’ve gotten a job that looks like it’s going to be awesome. i’ve grown up.

i’ve always said that the summer of 2003 was my best summer ever and i still stick by that. that summer was fan frickin tastic. i don’t think there was a single bad moment the entire three months. however, collectively, august 17 of 2008 until august 17 of 2009 has been the best year i’ve ever had.

if you’ve been a part of it, whether you were the one that started it that afternoon a year ago or you’ve been in my life in some other capacity until today, thank you. this ride never would’ve been the same without you guys. whether you knew it or not, the little things that you did came together to form something that i will never forget. i truly wish that i could say more or do more than just “thank you” but, well, that’s the best i can do. i just want you to know that i really do mean it and i wouldn’t have traded any of this for anything.

and the beauty of it is that it keeps getting better.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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4 thoughts on “can i find a line to describe just what is going on

  1. I love you big guy. No homo. We’re just two hunks… haha the other night i met a girl and she looked at me so nice. That was a good day.

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