i remind you of everything you hate and you remind me i’m the one to blame

(note: i started writing this a little over a week ago. i was interrupted before i could finish it. that’s why some of it may be a small repeat but most of it is new and i felt like finishing what i had started.)

i ran into a friend of mine today. i actually run into him quite often but we normally only have time to say a quick hey and go about our business. i’ve known the guy for a few years and we’re not bff’s by any means but i think we’d describe ourselves as being friends. today we actually got the chance to talk for a couple of minutes though.

we’re at a similar point in life. he’s a little ahead of me in it in some regards but it’s still pretty similar.

he’s married and finishing up his last class of undergrad while his wife student teaches. i’m single and am finishing up my graduate classes.

he’s leaving in december and has a job lined up for when he moves. i’m likely leaving in july or august and don’t have anything lined up.

even with the differences, we’re both at that point where, like he says, “i’m just ready to get out of college and get on with my life.”

that describes the way i’ve felt lately.

i see myself moving to that post-college point in life more and more every day. my mind is constantly going to what i’ll be doing this time next year. i’m always thinking of things i can do to once i start working at a church. my mind isn’t in college. to be completely truthful, neither is my heart.

i have a lot of friends that are still in undergrad. i love those guys. i’m not just saying that. i really do. even though i love them, i find myself wanting to do less and less with them. it’s nothing against them or anything like that, i just haven’t had fun doing the same types of things that i used to lately. the jokes that i used to laugh my butt off too kind of annoy me at times. it’s weird.

instead, i’ve found myself gravitating towards people that are more like me. people who are out working full time. people who are in that stage of growing up and getting life started. it’s not like i woke up some morning and decided i was going to start hanging out with different people. it just happened.

i’m sure there have been people that have said that i probably think i’m better than them now that i have a job with athletics. i’m sure people have said that i’ve sold them out for a different group of people because when both groups are around, i gravitate to the newer group.

my church is starting a new “program” coming up. it’s for college students to get involved in a small group setting twice a month during the school year. a week or two ago i got an e-mail about it basically saying, “hey, our records say you’re in college. we want you to come to this thing for college kids instead of the normal small group things. thanks.” i think it took all of 3.1 seconds for me to fire an e-mail back saying i was in my second year of grad school and thought it’d be better for me to do something other than the college group thing.

it’s not that i think i’m better than the kids in undergrad. i’m just different. i’m at a different point in life.

i think that part of the thing that drives my “i’m just so ready to get out of lynchburg” mindset is that i’m not around people that are in the same stage of life as me. i’m generally either around people that are a few years younger than me or a few years older than me.

one of the biggest things i learned from my last break up is that age isn’t nearly as important as where you are in life. i’m 22 years old. most people hear that and think that i’m finishing up my senior year of college. in reality though i’m in my second year of grad school and finishing up that. it’s sort of the catch-22 (no pun intended) that i’ve been in my entire life. people see me as younger than my place in life is (does that even make sense?). a lot of the people i know are 20 or 21 years old and while that is only 12-24 months in age difference, it’s really two to four years in life.

i don’t really know what point i’m trying to get across with this entry. this one was more of something that i felt like getting out of my head and on paper just so i could figure my thoughts out.

i will say this though: if you’re one of those people that i’ve been “distant” with or one of those people that i might not have been around as much, i’m sorry. you’re probably right in thinking the things that you have been and those thoughts would be fair thoughts.

i’m still trying to figure out who i am and what i’m becoming. the amount of change that has happened in the past nine months is something that i’m still catching up with. it’s almost like i’m having to learn who i am all over again. i’m learning what i like and what i don’t like. it’s weird and unlike any other point in my life.

but you know what, in some weird, jacked up way, it’s pretty fun.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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