broken down on memory lane we’re alone together

if you’re reading this right now, and have read it before in the past, and haven’t figured out that i spend way too much time thinking about random crap that doesn’t matter, then, well, i spend way too much time thinking about random crap that doesn’t matter. today has been another one of those days.

since may 31st, i have worked a ton. i worked camp this summer where i went non stop from sunday afternoon until friday afternoon and then had to do homework all weekend. when that was over, i went right into working in my job that i have now where i work 50-60 hours a week a lot of time.

needless to say, i don’t have a lot of free time.

today i did though. with our bye week being this week i was able to take most of today off. it’s been great sitting back and clearing my head and relaxing and all of that good stuff.

lately i’ve been noticing things. actually, i’ve been noticing people more than things. i’ll run into someone around campus that for some reason or another i haven’t seen in a while. or somehow something will catch my eye on facebook from someone that i just lost contact with for a while. i’ve even had random people pop into dreams that make me think “what the heck?” it’s stuff that happens on a regular basis, but i’ve just noticed it more the past couple of days.

today, with the free time, i had time to get lost in my thoughts.

and it was kinda fun.

one of the things i started thinking about with one of them was, “man, i really liked hanging out with that person. they were a ton of fun. why haven’t i talked to them in two months? why won’t i just text them just to say hey? crap, i don’t have their number. ok. facebook. no, that’ll just be weird. they could’ve sent me something but they haven’t so maybe they don’t want to talk to me either. or maybe they’re waiting for me to do it. this is dumb. i just won’t say anything.”

once again i’m left thinking what the heck?

it’s just a message to say hey. that’s it. it’s not anything more than that. but i was, and still am, worried about it being “weird.”

in sixth grade, a friend of mine tried to “hook me up” with a friend of her’s. we were at a “party” (hey, i was a 6th grader at an 8th grader’s party, this was a big deal). i refused to talk to her all night. it would’ve been weird. i just couldn’t do it.

so i didn’t.

the friend still gave me the girl’s number. the girl was a 7th grade cheerleader. what would i say? how would i start the conversation? what if she didn’t want to talk to me? but why did she give the friend her number to give to me if she didn’t wanna talk to me? this is dumb. i just won’t say anything.

eventually i did and it was weird at first but we ended up “going out” for almost eight months. but why was i so worried about things being weird? why did i freak out over a phone call?

if i knew that answer, i would know why i find it weird to just send a facebook message to a friend to say hey. i was 12 in the story from sixth grade. i’m 22 now. it’s been ten years, but the “it’ll be weird” stigma is still there.

we’ve all been in the situation where we wanted to talk to someone but we didn’t because we thought it’d be “weird.” why is that? why would it be “weird” in the first place? is it because we make it weird? if we just said hey and acted like we had talked two days ago, would that make it less weird? or should we talk about how it’s been so long since we talked, would that make it less weird?

the only thing i know for sure is that we’re all weird. we all have weird situations and we all make situations more weird than they should be.

maybe i’ll send that person a message to say hey.

or maybe it’ll be weird.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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