unless something drastic happens fast say hello to the ghost of christmas past

(warning: this thing got a lot longer than i ever planned for it to be. sorry about that. i hope you still read though. and if you do, thanks.)

maybe i’ve been listening to relient k’s christmas album too much, or maybe i’ve spent too much time trying to do anything but homework, but i’ve been thinking a lot the past couple of days. for anyone that has read this thing with any regularity, you know that when i think, i write, i force it down your throat on twitter and facebook, and then you reluctantly read it.

tonight’s another one of those nights.

the other day i wrote about how christmas at the age of 23 was so insanely weird. it got the most responses i’ve ever gotten from a post on here and to me, that’s just insane. it was awesome seeing how everyone related so much to that post. i didn’t plan it, but this one’s another one that’s kind of along that same path.

earlier tonight i was talking to a friend of mine about the last post. we’re two 23 year old guys, so of course we focused on the girl part of that topic. what else did you expect us to talk about? he was talking about his girl and the things that go along with it and how even though he’s dating someone, he still knew exactly where i was coming from in that post. i mentioned to him that the fact that i was finally over the ex and more importantly ready to move on to the next girl, that made the whole “single at christmas time” even more prevalent and even more in the forefront.

and when i said that to him, i got confused.

i’ve said i was ready to move on before, but a lot of that was me convincing myself that i was. it wasn’t really true. this one came out completely on its own. and that brought up another question:

when the heck did that happen?

i’ve been so busy with work and school and all of that junk that i honestly hadn’t thought of the girl issue in a long time. i sat there talking to him and it finally clicked. another friend of mine is going through something a lot similar to what i went through this time last year. the other night we were talking and she mentioned how she wasn’t sure if she could ever open up and let someone in like that again. i remembered saying the exact same thing, probably even word for word. my only response was, “you’ll get there. i promise.”

that doesn’t seem like much, but to me it stuck out. i wouldn’t say that just to say it. i wouldn’t add the words “i promise” without truly meaning it.

and i think it’s that point in time where i truly believed that i was ready to not only move on (did that a long time ago) but to actually let myself get back out there.

it came out of nowhere.

it surprised me.

and i really, really liked it.

today i also met with the guy over in financial aid that has been dealing with my situation all semester (long story short: loans got messed up, they said i was going to have to pay a bunch of money to come back to school, i thought i might lose my job and not come back to school because of it). everything has been fixed. i’m not going to owe a bunch of money and i’m going to get to come back to school in january.

the guy asked me to send him the classes i’m taking next semester so he could register me and get me going. i went back to my office, looked at my degree completion plan, and looked up my classes.

and when i sent it to him, i got confused.

i’m done in may. i’ll have a master’s degree after next semester. there were only three more classes i needed to graduate. and that brought up another question:

when the heck did that happen?

i know that i’ve been working my butt off taking a pretty heavy schedule and all of that, and i knew that i’d be graduating soon, but it just hit me weird that i’m finished with grad school five months from next week. that’s insane.

it came out of nowhere.

it surprised me.

and i really, really liked it.

right after all of this, i got a text from a friend asking me when i was done with school. when i told her, she told me i should put my resume in at her church. she went on to somewhat explain what was going on and why i should do it. i thought it sounded pretty cool, looked at the church’s website, and liked what i saw.

and when i saw it, i got confused.

i have a job now. i have a job that i could actually keep for another year and a half if i wanted to. but i don’t think that’s what god wants. i think he wants me in a church. and that means that i actually have to look for jobs in the real world. i have to find something outside of liberty.

when the heck did that happen?

i’m 23. it’s a really weird age and one that sucks at times. christmas time reminds you of how lonely you get being single. it reminds you of how much you wish you could afford nicer things for your family and friends.

but 23 is packed with so much potential. there is such a bright future for me and for all of us who are at this age. it’s so incredibly frustrating at times sitting there thinking how we know we can be doing so much more but not getting a chance to. our time is coming though.

but we’ve gotta wait it out for now.

we’ve gotta go through the crap for now.

we’ve gotta experience the lonely christmases for now.

we’ve gotta give five dollar presents from target for now.

because if we didn’t go through this experience right now, we wouldn’t fully appreciate the great job we get in a couple of years.

if we didn’t go through this experience now, we wouldn’t appreciate the great person that we marry and the even cooler kids we have.

if we didn’t go through this experience now, we wouldn’t appreciate being able to get nice things for our family for the first time.

our time is coming. there’s going to be a time when we get to experience all of those amazing things that we want to experience right now. we’ll get there and it’ll be amazing. we’ll look back and know that everything that was awkward, weird, and that sucked about being 23 was completely worth it. and when we get there, we’ll probably all wish we were 23 again.

funny how that works.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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3 thoughts on “unless something drastic happens fast say hello to the ghost of christmas past

  1. I’m especially liking the part where you stated that “when we finally get there… we’ll wish we were 23 all over again.” Because that’s so insanely true.

    I hope you don’t break promises.

    You write well. ;)

  2. I don’t break promises. There are two words that I only say if I absolutely mean them and promise is one of them.

    And thank you.

  3. You have matured so much and yet you still have so so much to learn. It is what is called life. It is great, it is sad, it is fun. Live honestly and be kind to everyone (use your manners, they go further and take you farther than you will ever know) and you will always be happy. Even through the sad times.

    I love you son and am very proud of you.

    Dad

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