i can’t figure you out is this what christmas is all about?

so check it out – earlier tonight i was on my way home from sheetz. i had been studying for a final i have tomorrow and got bored of that and wanted a break so i decided to go on a chocolate milk run. on the way over there, i was listening to brand new. it was going good then i got the urge to throw on my jesus rock.

so i did.

and i sang along.

never knew through these nails would love unfold. and never knew these wounds would heal my soul. i’ve never seen such beauty and sorrow meet. the blood of jesus was bled for me.

yeah. woo jesus. oh, shoot, i’m here. hang on a second. i’m gonna run in and grab some chocolate milk and then i’ll be back. don’t go anywhere.

so i ran in, got some chocolate milk, got back in the car, and started singing along with the next song.

i know the one who has conquered the enemy. he is the king of life and liberty. all around the world let freedom ring. all over the earth let it be heard – our god is good.

yeah god. awesome. this is a good time. we should do this more often. this song is great. i agree with everything it says.

it was me, steve fee (cause i’m hip like that), and god. i was singing along and things were great. me and god were having a good time.

well that song ended. and the next one came on. and it was during this song that i had a “whoa” moment. it’s hard to explain, but i was singing along and something just smacked me in the face. i’ll give you a little play-by-play of what i was singing and what i was thinking:

there’s a stirring in my heart unexplainable – yeah, i feel it.
there’s a calling on my days undeniable – yup, i agree completely.
and there’s a fire in my bones uncontainable – uh huh, getting bigger every day.
and it’s causing me to burn – cause that’s what fires do.
it’s causing me to burn – uh huh, we’ll sing it again.
it’s causing me to burn for you – heck yeah it is.
i’ll go anywhere – but i’d really like it to be north carolina.
i’ll do anything – as long as it’s not too out there.
at any cost for you – but it’d be nice to have a little money.
my king – yeah jesus, you’re awesome.

that’s not embellished. that’s what i was thinking. and god kinda kicked me in the face for it. i like to think that i’ll go anywhere and do anything for god. i even tell myself that. i tell other people too. when they ask where i think i’ll be after i graduate i tell them i don’t really know, it all depends on the job (meaning what church). i talk a really good game.

but tonight it became obvious to me that i don’t really know how much i can back that game up.

i’ve grown a lot over the past year. this time last year i didn’t even have that stirring in my heart or the fire in my bones. i think of how far i’ve come sometimes and forget how far i have to go.

and i think we all do that.

we all are growing up. we’re all changing every day. we’re all learning new things. there are times when we think we’ve finally figured it out and that we’ve got it.

and it’s at those points where we are so very wrong.

every time that i think about how much i’ve grown up over the past year, i’m reminded how much more growing i have left to do.

every time that i think about how much i’ve grown up in god over the past year, i’m reminded about how much junk i still have in my life that i have to get rid of.

every time that i think that i’ve finally got it, i realize that i’m nowhere close to having it.

but i think that’s cool. god isn’t like the mario games. he doesn’t say the princess is at the end of this level and then when we get there, we find out he’s moved the princess to the next level. instead, he helps us get to a point in life and then puts his arm around us and says, “hey, good job. i’m proud of you for getting to this point. however, we’re not done yet. i’m gonna help you get to the next step.”

i don’t know about you guys, but that’s kinda re-energized me going into finals weeks. i know how hard i’ve worked this semester to get through school, get through work, and just try to survive it all. i know that i’m tired and i’m worn out and my brain really needs a rest. but tonight i was reminded that god’s there to throw his arms around me like a giant snuggie and help me get to the next step.

and truthfully speaking, god’s help beats chocolate milk any day of the week.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

oh, and good luck on your finals.

-jonathan

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