i picked up a pen and page and i started writing

last night i watched last comic standing. i love stand up comedy. if you don’t completely suck, i’ll sit and watch you do stand up, especially in the summer when there’s nothing else on tv. as much as i love stand up, i’m pretty sure that i’m god’s favorite comedian.

well, if not his favorite comedian, i’m convinced that he laughs at me.

a lot.

i wrote my last blog post on sunday night. after i wrote it, i went to my room to do some reading and get ready to go to bed. i’ve got a couple of books that i’ve started and haven’t finished so i’m trying to get those finished up. i opened the book to try and figure out where exactly i left off and what chapter i should be reading. i now know that i should have started off on chapter five.

should have and did are two different things.

i opened the book right to chapter six. when i read the first paragraph to see if i’d read it before it was like god decided to kick me, uh, below the belt. i had spent the night being frustrated about what god wanted me to do, about how long to wait to do the things i know i should do, and all of that stuff. i opened the book, and this is what i read:

there are very few people in scriptures who received their life plan from god in advance (or even their five-year plan, for that matter!). consider abraham, who was told to pack up his family and all his possessions and start walking. he didn’t know where he was going. he didn’t know if he would ever be back. he didn’t know any of the details we consider vital (e.g., his destination, how long the venture would take, what the costs/rewards would be, whether he’d receive a 401(k) or health insurance). god said to go and he went, and that’s pretty much all he knew.

uh…

but this is different…

times are different now…

surely god would let me know because of the planning it takes in 2010…

yeah. no. i couldn’t make a justification to make what i read wrong. there it was right there in front of me. there was no getting around it.

god just wants me to do what’s next.

he just wants me to listen and go.

he doesn’t want me to sit and whine about what comes after that.

he wants me to stop questioning and start doing.

and i think i needed that reminder. as much as i like to play the every day, day to day things by ear, i like to have some form of a plan. i like to know where i’m going or at least where i want to go. i’m 23 and know that full-time jobs, marriage, buying my first house, kids, and all of the things that come with somehow turning into an adult are all going to be here before i even realize it.

i want to plan for that.

but god wants me to simply trust him. he wants me to trust that he’ll show me what to do when the time comes.

now, before you take this the wrong way, know that i’m not saying i’m going to play everything by ear and never make any plans or anything like that. what i’m saying is that i’m not going to try and figure out everything on my own. i’m going to trust that god will show me the next step and the next plan and the next thing that i need to work on.

i have to seek god.

i have to trust god.

and i have to let god be god.

i can’t figure it out on my own.

because that just makes god laugh.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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