i can only give my life for what it’s worth

as i sit here to type this, it’s 7:16 in the morning. within the next 44 minutes, i’ll take a shower, finish packing and start my drive to knoxville.

today is the start of the rest of my life.

and as awesome as that is, as much as i’ve been looking forward to that, the last few days haven’t been the easiest in the world.

two nights ago i was sitting with the girl and started crying a little bit. it wasn’t boo hoo baby tears or anything but my eyes were definitely wet.

last night we had a going away dinner for me at my grandma’s. my entire family was there and it was really cool. my aunt said the blessing over the dinner before we ate. instead of just getting straight to the, “hey god, do you mind blessing this food?” part, she started praying for me in front of everyone, then prayed for the girl, then for the both of us, and then for the food. i wasn’t expecting that at all. had it not been for my phone going off from getting a text message during the prayer, i probably would’ve teared up then too.

then later last night was the hardest part of the whole thing: i had to tell the girl bye. yeah, it’s not like i’m moving cross country or anything, but we’ve spent every day together for the past 30 days. we had our moments that every couple has in that situation but then right before i was about to tell her goodnight, everything hit me and i hit the boo hoo baby stage.

i’m scared.

i’ll fully admit it. i’m going into something that i have absolutely no clue what i’m getting into. it’s completely foreign to me. it’s a city where i don’t know my way around and don’t really know anyone. i’ll be living with guys that i don’t know. i’ll be doing something i’ve never done before.

it’s one thing to train for something for a long time. it’s another to go out and do it.

i have no doubt that i’m ready. i have no doubt that this is where god wants me to be and it’s what he wants me to be doing. it’s just a little scary finally doing it.

living by faith is scary.

and i think it’s supposed to be.

if moments like this weren’t scary, i’d have no reason to have to trust god and that’s what he wants us to do. he wants us to not only know and believe that he’s got our back, but to actually put it into action. i can know how to do cpr (i don’t) but if i don’t put it into action when it’s needed then what good is it to know the cpr? at the same time, if i claim to have faith in god and believe that he’s with me and won’t leave me but yet i don’t ever take a chance and put that faith into action, do i really have it?

i’m scared but i’m excited. this next year has all the potential in the world to be amazing. the feeling of knowing that i’m following what god wants me to do is a great feeling, especially after not following it for so long.

last night after the boo hoo baby tears were done, i said a prayer for the girl and for us. after that she said a prayer for me and for us. in that moment, even though i hated the idea of leaving her, i knew without a doubt that god had our backs and that he was going to help me through this next year, help her through this next year, and help us through this next year. he’s got some awesome things planned for the two of us individually and through it all i think he’s got some great things planned for us together.

we just have to be obedient.

even when it’s not comfortable.

even when it’s not easy.

and especially when it’s scary.

say your prayers and take your vitamins.

have a nice day.

-jonathan

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